"Put your hat on, the birds will poop on you"

So i have really been awful at keeping up with this thing this year. My procrastination seems to have carried on from 1st semester to winter break. O'well.
Let's see, last time i posted was last weekend? So i have a week of events to catch people up on.

I'll take it day by day. Monday the parental unit and I went to Paracas. We woke up around quarter to 5 monday morning, crept around the house like little mice trying not wake up the big cats, and left a little past 6 am...later than we had initially planned. We get ourselves on the highway and take a nice 2 hour drive to paracas. I enjoy the long car rides, i just put my ipod in, put it on shuffle and sing to myself whatever songs that play, i try to keep it at a low voice level but i have my headphones in i really have no idea how loud i am so i'm sure my parents probably did not love a number of the songs i was singing but whatever they're the ones that plan these little adventures.
So once we get to Paracas, before we even park and get ourselves situated we have like 3 people rushing around us telling us where to put our car, trying to sell us things, rushing us places. We get out of the car and we're essentially being pushed towards the shore. All of these people are talking, men with vests are walking all around us, i felt like i was in a crocodile hunter episode...minus the crocodiles. So we park our car, people help us out, and we begin hauling serious ass towards i didn't even know. We have one vested man talking very quickly in incomprehensible spanish (for me) and another man trying to sell my dad various styles of hats.
So me, my mom, my dad, mr. vest man (his nametag said Y. Cuba) and the hat seller are all running towards the dock. We very soon went from 5 people to 4 when Mr. hat man made a sale and the 4 of us carried on, my Dad sporting a nice new Gringo fashioned sombrero. We're about to get onto the dock to get to the boat which was apparently waiting for us when my mom decided she needed to use the bathroom. Poor Mr. Guide man had to bring us to a bathroom knowing full well a boat full of people was sitting patiently a 1/4 mile away. We all use the bathroom, my mom finishes first and guide man takes her to the boat, i don't realize this though and once i'm done i stand outside the bathroom like a tool waiting for my mom and dad to come out so i can have a clue with what i'm supposed to be doing. So i'm standing there in front of a mirror trying to figure out how to prop my sunglasses on my head in a fashionable manner when Mr. Vest comes over very distraught, definitely not appreciating my slow pace, and hauls me to the boat. He starts speaking to me rapidly in spanish and i stare at him blankly, obviously making him uncomfortable...because he soon gave up on conversation and just kept on speed walking. I get to the boat and am left standing on the dock while my guide man leaves me to go get my father. My mom is sitting in the boat staring at me with this look of "what the hell is going on" and then my dad comes, trying not to lose his new hat while running. Then guide man helps us both in to the boat, i step on a couple people's feet and eventually find my way to a seat. I sit next to my mom and my Dad sits next to this nice lady who we found out, after conversing with my father for the majority of the boat ride, is a tour guide in Machu Piccu, her parents who were sitting behind my mom and had never been to the shore. CRAZY.

So here we are sitting in this boat surrounded by many people wearing orange life vests. It only takes a few minutes for us to get handed our own vests which we strap on after some embarassing difficulty...my mom couldn't figure out where the arm hole was located. Now i'm sure whoever is reading this might have an image of like a sail boat or a ferry or something of that kind...NO. The best way i can describe the boat and my feelings toward it would be to make you imagine one of the rescue boats leaving the Titanic...add a motor and you got our situation. Not kidding…you’ve got a shit load of people crammed into a boat like a can of sardines, sporting orange life vests (some with pillows attached…you know just in case you want to take a nap when you’re drowning/floating in the middle of the ocean).

During my imagining the Titanic and its multiple rescue boats, our boat had started moving towards the islands. I only know this because that’s what I’m told by the cute little old Spanish man wearing a hat very similar to my Dad’s….i couldn’t actually see our direction myself because my mom and I had the lovely pleasure of being seated next to a large bar or panel of some kind.

So now that you know what the boat looked like, and our seating area in the boat I can describe to you how the ride itself felt. You know when you see a jet ski in the water it kinda bounces up and down whenever it hits a wave. Well the ride was kinda like that. Sounds awesome right?? WRONG. It was terrifying. I all of a sudden had all of these images of the boat flipping over. I started imagining what we would do and what kind of creature lived in the water. I then began to think of a way that, if we indeed did get thrown over board, how would I protect my purse from being submerged in water…obviously the fact that my purse would get wet no matter what if the boat flipped or I fell out did not matter…I had an image of me floating in the water holding up my purse…then I started wondering why the hell I didn’t get a life vest with a pillow! It would be so much easier to hold my purse up if I had a pillow to rest my head on.
I have a very vivid imagination as you can see.
Then the overcoming sense of nausea I was feeling wiped all of those images away and I was left with an image of me puking…and where would I puke…did they have baggies handy? Should I switch places with mom so I could puke into the water? But that wouldn’t work because there wasn’t actually water next to my mom…there was a bar.
Then the boat stopped, engine turned off, my stomach stopped somersaulting…briefly, and then we were all directed to look to our left. It was there that we would be able to see the Candelabra…a Nazca line.
So everyone whips out their cameras to take a picture and stare in wonder at the design etched in the sand. It was cool but there wasn’t really much opportunity to examine it due to the fact that the lack of engine power had let the boat do it’s own thing …the boat was beginning to float in a circular motion. Funny for me because I no longer cared about the Nazca line and instead amused myself by watching all of the people twisting their heads in an effort to keep looking at the candelabra. First the twisting of the head, then the torso, then HEY other side, twist…twist…twist. I was amazed that people were so interested in the thing to keep twisting their body in such an uncomfortable way.

And then we were moving again…back towards the islands that held the lobos del mar (sea wolves…aka sea lions) and Penguinos and various birds. So we’re moving and moving and I’m holding myself back from puking and then the boat begins to slow down and the cute old Spanish man tells us to put our hats on because the various birds will likely poop on us. He also begins telling us all about the sea lions who we can now see on our left. Cute little buggers…much bigger than I expected. We move around and around these islands to see all of these animals and every single person is standing up on the moving boat taking multiple pictures of everything.
Every animal was very cute and I enjoyed looking at them but my nauciousness was hampering my enjoyment. The boat was no longer really the cause…this time I think it was the smell. It was a nice combo of sea lion poop, penguin poop, and other bird poop.
At one point we’re brought to an area of sea lions. These sea lions have names and one of them is named Paco who had a face like a polar bear and was tanning on a rock and another was named Pancho. Pancho is apparently quite the pimp…he had 15 girlfriends. He’s the “big man on campus”. The old man then directs our eyes to Pancho and very soon after we all spot him a large fight breaks out among various lobos. Pancho is in the center. The screams and yells and noises they made were not pleasant ones. So we’re all watching in wonder as sea lions jump, or rather flop, on eachother and then Pancho picks up a baby with his mouth and throws it. It was at this point that I decided I no longer cared to watch the sea lions and decided to concentrate all my attention on finding candy in my purse to ward of my nausea. Dad: “Not so cute huh”.

We stared at sea lions for what seemed like an hour and then headed back to shore on our jet ski of a boat. The ride back was welcomed, I needed the fresh air. I actually fell asleep and only woke up when we slowed down to dock.

After our boat ride we entertained ourselves with the market there and bought numerous little items for people back home. Then we went to a restaurant to order a drink because my mom had to use the bathroom again and we figured we should buy something in order to be able to use the bathroom services. As we’re drinking inca cola a man in the restaurant next to ours began singing, playing guitar, and blowing air into a pan flute. He was a one man band. Impressive actually. I found this really funny because it was the first use of a pan flute that I had seen on this particular trip and after watching that South Park episode I had a new appreciation for them. I decided to take some pictures of the guy to show to my sista’s BF Doug because I figured he’d find it amusing as well.
When we got up to leave the pan flute guy came over to our table and asked us if we would like to buy a CD. I almost peed myself from holding back the laughter. I think he figured we were interested when he saw me taking multiple photos of him. Good job Doug..it’s because of you that I gave the man false hope ;)

Then it was
back in the car to take a tour of Paracas…cute town…will be booming by next year…my parents should purchase a house there because I liked it.


Me: "Why are we driving around in the desert??"
Mom: "It's not just a desert it's a national reserve"
Me: "A reserve of what...Sand?"

I didn’t particularly enjoy the Reserve of Sand…not actually a reserve of sand…a reserve of nature but this nature consisted of a lot of sand. We drove around the desert for hours…stopped to take pictures. Had panic attacks when we were near cliff edges, and I personally had a panic attack when I questioned how to get out of how deep we’d driven ourselves in.
There was no actual road…there were like 15 roads side by side all heading in what seemed to be the same direction. Basically your choice was to pick one and see where it took you and pray that one of those destinations wasn’t over a cliff.

We eventually got ourselves out and found our way back to Las Lagunas. It was an interesting day to say the least. Totally worth the 2 hour drive…and I’m sure my parents would say the same..even with me singing songs like “Imma put you to bed, bed, bed”.